Time-Ins for Teachers: A Positive Approach to Classroom Behavior Management
Dec 21, 2024
If you’re a teacher, you know that managing a room full of young children isn’t exactly a cakewalk. When you’ve got a preschool or early elementary class full of different personalities, big emotions, and boundless energy, there’s bound to be a bit of chaos. Traditionally, timeouts have been the go-to response when things get out of hand—a quick way to remove the disruptive child from the group and (hopefully) restore order. But here’s the catch: research suggests that timeouts may actually undermine our goals of building emotional intelligence, cooperation, and self-regulation in kids. So what’s the alternative? Enter the “time-in.”
Time-ins are gaining traction as a positive, connection-based approach to discipline. Rather than isolating the child, a time-in involves staying close, offering empathy, and helping them process their emotions. In this post, we’ll explore why time-ins work, and we’ll break down strategies to make them effective in a busy classroom.
Why Time-Ins Over Timeouts?
Unlike timeouts, which separate the child from the group, time-ins provide a chance to connect and model emotional regulation. Dr. Becky Bailey, creator of Conscious Discipline, explains that “when children feel disconnected, they lose access to the part of the brain that helps them learn, problem-solve, and make positive choices.” Time-ins build on this insight, fostering emotional skills without shame or isolation.
Educational psychologist and author Dr. Jane Nelsen, a pioneer in positive discipline, adds, “Children learn best from connection, not correction.” The time-in strategy aligns with this principle, helping children feel safe and understood. Instead of feeling punished, children have a chance to reflect, regroup, and rejoin the classroom community when they’re ready.
How to Implement Time-Ins in the Classroom
Here are some practical strategies for making time-ins work in a busy classroom setting:
1. Set Up a “Calm Corner” or “Peace Place”
Designate a special, cozy spot in your classroom as the “Calm Corner” or “Peace Place.” This could include comfy pillows, sensory toys, and books about emotions (like The Color Monster by Anna Llenas). Rather than seeing this spot as a “punishment corner,” it’s a positive place to reset. Explain to the class that the Calm Corner is a space where anyone can go to feel better when they’re having a tough time. Encourage students to see it as a resource, not a restriction.
2. Teach Emotional Vocabulary with Visual Aids
Kids often act out because they don’t yet have the words to describe what they’re feeling. Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child, calls this “name it to tame it.” When kids can name their feelings, they’re better able to manage them. Use visual aids like emotion cards or “feeling faces” to help students express what they’re experiencing. You might even create a mini poster for your Calm Corner that says, “I’m feeling…” followed by different faces or words for emotions. When a child is sent to the Calm Corner, gently help them label their emotion: “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated. I’m here to help you.”
3. Guide Them with Empathy and Connection
Empathy is essential to an effective time-in. When a child is having a rough moment, go to their level and say something like, “I can see you’re really upset right now. I’m here with you.” Be patient, and let the child know they’re not in trouble. Try saying, “This isn’t a punishment; it’s a place where we can sit and figure out how to feel better together.” This approach helps them feel supported rather than shamed, allowing them to calm down faster and feel safe with you.
4. Encourage Deep Breathing and Simple Mindfulness
Dr. Bailey suggests teaching children simple breathing techniques to calm down during big feelings. Practice these as a class ahead of time so they’re familiar. For example, try “balloon breathing” (where they pretend to blow up a balloon by taking deep breaths) or “flower breathing” (pretend to smell a flower by breathing in deeply). When a child is upset, gently guide them to take a few deep breaths with you. Say, “Let’s breathe together like we practiced,” and take a few slow breaths as they follow along.
5. Use Problem-Solving Questions
Once the child is calm, use the time-in as a chance to problem-solve. Ask questions that invite them to reflect and make choices about how they could handle things differently next time. Say something like, “What can we do next time to make it easier when we feel this way?” or “Is there something that might help you feel better next time?” By encouraging them to find solutions, you’re helping them build their own problem-solving skills.
6. Model Self-Regulation
Kids learn by watching us. If you start to feel frustrated, show them what it looks like to self-regulate. Say, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” Modeling this openly not only shows children it’s okay to experience big emotions but also teaches them healthy strategies for handling them.
Examples of Classroom Time-In Scripts
Here are a few things you might say when using time-ins in the classroom:
For a Toddler Having a Meltdown: “You’re having such a big feeling right now. I’m here with you. Let’s sit in our Peace Place until you’re ready.”
For a Preschooler Upset After Not Getting Their Way: “It’s okay to feel frustrated! Let’s take a break together in the Calm Corner and do some breathing.”
For a Kindergartner Who’s Pushed a Friend: “I see you’re feeling really angry. Let’s sit in the Peace Place together and talk about what happened.”
For a First Grader Overwhelmed by an Activity: “Sometimes things get hard and that’s okay. Let’s go to our Calm Corner and take a break until you’re ready.”
Keeping It Real: Time-Ins in a Busy Classroom
Let’s be honest: managing a classroom and giving every student individual attention can feel like trying to juggle on a tightrope. But here’s the thing—time-ins actually save time in the long run because they reduce disruptive behavior and build a positive classroom culture.
Positive discipline expert Dr. Jane Nelsen reminds us, “Connection is the most powerful discipline tool.” By investing a little time in creating connection and teaching self-regulation, we actually spend less time on discipline overall. It won’t be perfect, and it’s okay if some days feel harder than others. What matters is that kids learn to feel safe and supported while they’re in your classroom.
What Teachers Are Saying About Time-Ins
Here’s what some real teachers are saying about time-ins:
-Sarah, a Kindergarten Teacher: “Once I started using time-ins, I noticed that the whole class seemed calmer. The kids felt safe knowing they had a space to go to and a teacher who would help them, rather than punish them.”
-Rachel, a Preschool Teacher: “Our Calm Corner has become a place everyone loves—even the kids who don’t need it! It’s amazing to see how much more connected they feel.”
-David, a First-Grade Teacher: “The kids are actually asking each other if they’re okay! Time-ins taught them empathy, which was an unexpected bonus.”
Additional Resources for Positive Discipline in the Classroom
• Conscious Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey: A program that offers tools and strategies for positive discipline and classroom management. Check out her resources at Conscious Discipline.
• Positive Discipline in the Classroom by Dr. Jane Nelsen: A guide for teachers on fostering a cooperative, respectful classroom environment. Learn more at Positive Discipline.
• The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel: Explores child brain development and techniques to support emotional regulation.
With these strategies and resources, time-ins can become a powerful tool for building a positive, peaceful classroom where children feel safe, valued, and ready to learn. And remember, as challenging as it can be, choosing connection over correction creates lasting benefits—for both you and your students.
Parenting and Teaching alongside you!
Dr. Emma Hostetter and the Aparently Parenting Team
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