Breaking the News: Talking to Your Child About Their ADHD Diagnosis
May 04, 2025
Finding out that your child has ADHD can be a turning point for both of you. Now comes the part that many parents find tricky: explaining ADHD to your child in a way that empowers them, respects their unique experience, and doesn’t hurt their self-esteem. Let’s explore how to approach this conversation from a neurodiversity-affirming perspective, meaning we celebrate differences while being realistic about the challenges ADHD can present.
Why a Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach?
A neurodiversity-affirming approach helps children understand that brains come in all kinds of “operating systems,” each with its own strengths and challenges. It frames ADHD as a different way of experiencing the world, not as a flaw or a defect. This kind of approach is powerful for fostering self-confidence, resilience, and self-advocacy skills in children, and it can help your child see ADHD as part of their unique identity rather than something to “fix.”
When Should You Tell Your Child?
There’s no “perfect” age to talk to your child about ADHD, but most experts recommend having this discussion when they’re old enough to notice differences between themselves and their peers—often around ages 7 to 10. However, if your child is already feeling different or struggling in school or social settings, it might be beneficial to have the talk sooner rather than later. Dr. Sarah Cheyette, a pediatric neurologist, suggests that framing the conversation around the child’s personal experiences can make it easier for them to understand .
How to Explain ADHD to Your Child: Conversation Starters and Scripts
The goal is to keep things positive, understandable, and relatable to your child’s own experiences. Here’s a step-by-step guide with suggested language to help you approach the conversation gently.
1. Start with Their Experiences
Begin by addressing something they’re already noticing about themselves. This gives context and helps your child feel understood.
Script:
“You know how sometimes you feel like you have a lot of energy and want to do a bunch of things at once, or it’s hard to focus on just one thing in class? That’s something a lot of kids feel, but you feel it a little extra. We recently found out why, and it’s because your brain works a bit differently—it has something called ADHD.”
2. Use Positive Language to Describe ADHD
Explain ADHD as a difference rather than a problem, comparing it to other kinds of diversity. This helps them feel less singled out or “different.”
Script:
“ADHD is just one way of having a brain that’s super good at some things and has to work harder at other things. Just like some kids are great at art or sports, ADHD gives you certain strengths, like being creative, curious, and having a lot of energy. It also means your brain might find some things harder, like sitting still for a long time or remembering all the steps for a task. And that’s okay.”
3. Acknowledge the Challenges Honestly, But Optimistically
While it’s important to recognize the strengths that come with ADHD, being upfront about challenges helps children prepare for times when things might be hard and need extra strategies.
Script:
“Sometimes, ADHD means you might have to work harder to stay focused or follow certain instructions. But it’s not because you can’t do it; it’s because your brain needs a different kind of plan to help it along the way. And you’re not alone—lots of people have ADHD, and they’ve found ways to make things work for them.”
4. Emphasize That They’re Not Alone and That Help is Available
Knowing that they’re not alone can be incredibly comforting for kids with ADHD. Mention family members, friends, or well-known public figures with ADHD who are doing great things.
Script:
“You’re not the only one with ADHD! Lots of kids and even some adults have ADHD too, like [mention anyone famous or personal who has ADHD, such as Michael Phelps or Simone Biles]. There are even things we can do to help make it easier, like trying out different ways to learn and play that fit how your brain works.”
5. Encourage Questions and Keep the Door Open
Let your child know this is just the start of an ongoing conversation. Giving them permission to ask questions helps them feel involved and validated.
Script:
“You might have questions about ADHD now or later, and that’s totally fine. If you ever want to talk more about it, I’m here. And we’re going to keep learning together about ways that work best for you.”
Framing the ADHD Conversation Around Self-Esteem
ADHD can impact self-esteem if kids feel they’re “falling behind” or are “different.” By reinforcing their unique strengths, you help keep their self-worth intact. As Dr. Ross Greene, a psychologist who developed the “Collaborative and Proactive Solutions” model, emphasizes: “Kids do well if they can”. This approach helps children understand that challenges aren’t due to a lack of effort or ability but a matter of finding the right support and methods.
Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child’s Self-Esteem
• Celebrate Small Wins: Encourage and praise efforts, not just outcomes. This shows your child that hard work is valued as much as the end result.
• Focus on Strengths: Identify and talk up their areas of strength, whether it’s creativity, energy, or a unique sense of humor.
• Teach Self-Advocacy: Help them learn to ask for breaks, ask questions, and understand when they need help. This empowers them to be proactive about their needs.
• Normalize Differences: Remind them that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, whether they have ADHD or not.
Recommended Resources for Parents
Here are some books and resources to support you in navigating ADHD with your child:
1. Books
• Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare – A practical guide for helping kids with ADHD develop executive function skills.
• ADHD: What Every Parent Needs to Know by the American Academy of Pediatrics – A comprehensive guide for understanding and managing ADHD.
• Taking Charge of ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley – A deep dive into ADHD from a leading expert, offering strategies and insights for parents.
2. Websites
• CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) – Offers a wealth of resources, from educational materials to support groups.
• Understood.org – A website dedicated to learning and attention issues, including ADHD. Features resources, videos, and articles specifically for parents and children.
• ADDitude Magazine – A magazine and website with articles, webinars, and advice for families dealing with ADHD.
By framing ADHD as part of the wide spectrum of human diversity and equipping your child with a positive understanding of their diagnosis, you empower them to feel capable and valued. ADHD may come with unique challenges, but with support, love, and understanding, your child can build resilience and thrive in their own unique way.
(I did not touch on starting medications in this article. Instead, I will be dedicating whole articles to starting medications or talking to your child about starting medication for ADHD.)
Parenting Alongside You,
Dr. Emma and the Aparently Parenting Team
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