Highly Sensitive Children and Emotional Reactivity: Understanding Overwhelm and Emotional Dysregulation
Feb 08, 2025
If you have a highly sensitive child (HSC), you may have noticed their big emotions—the joy that radiates from their whole body, the deep empathy they show toward others, and, at times, the intense meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere.
Highly sensitive children experience emotions more deeply and intensely than their peers. This means that while they may be wonderfully compassionate and insightful, they can also struggle with emotional reactivity and dysregulation, especially when overwhelmed.
At first glance, these intense emotional reactions can look a lot like ADHD-type emotional dysregulation—sudden outbursts, difficulty calming down, and frustration that escalates quickly. Because of this, many parents and teachers wonder, “Does my child have ADHD, or are they just highly sensitive?”
While both HSCs and children with ADHD can struggle with big emotions, the underlying cause is different. Understanding these differences is key to supporting a child’s emotional development in a way that meets their unique needs.
What Makes a Child Highly Sensitive?
A highly sensitive child (HSC) has a nervous system that is more responsive to sensory, emotional, and environmental stimuli. Dr. Elaine Aron, a leading researcher on high sensitivity, explains that about 15-20% of children have this trait, meaning they process experiences more deeply than others.
Highly sensitive children tend to:
• Feel emotions intensely (both positive and negative)
• Get easily overwhelmed by too much noise, chaos, or stimulation
• Absorb others’ emotions deeply, often feeling distressed by the suffering of others
• Notice subtle details that others overlook
• React strongly to criticism, frustration, or unexpected changes
Because their nervous system is more reactive, HSCs are more prone to emotional overwhelm, which can lead to periods of emotional dysregulation.
Emotional Reactivity in Highly Sensitive Children: What’s Happening in Their Brain?
For HSCs, big emotional reactions aren’t about poor behavior or a lack of self-control—they are a direct response to feeling overwhelmed.
1. Their Nervous System is More Reactive
HSCs have a lower threshold for sensory and emotional input. This means that loud noises, bright lights, busy environments, or emotionally charged situations can overload their system faster than other children.
• A frustrating moment for one child might feel unbearable to an HSC.
• A slight criticism might feel deeply personal and painful.
• A simple disappointment might trigger an emotional flood that takes time to process.
2. Their Emotional Brain is in Overdrive
Brain imaging studies show that highly sensitive individuals have increased activity in the amygdala—the brain’s emotional processing center (Acevedo et al., 2014). The amygdala helps detect threats, but in HSCs, it is more reactive, meaning they experience emotions more intensely and for longer periods.
• A small frustration can feel like a major crisis.
• A sudden change can feel emotionally destabilizing.
• A negative interaction can replay in their mind for hours or days.
When their amygdala is highly activated, it sends stress signals to the body, triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses—which is why meltdowns, withdrawal, or explosive reactions can occur.
3. It Takes Longer for Them to Return to a Calm State
HSCs experience stronger emotional reactions and longer recovery times after becoming upset. Their nervous system takes more time to regulate after experiencing distress, which can make calming strategies that work for other children feel ineffective for them.
• They may need more time alone after a meltdown.
• They may need reassurance and connection before they can process what happened.
• They may struggle with transitions after an emotional experience.
How Is This Different from ADHD Emotional Dysregulation?
Both highly sensitive children and children with ADHD can experience intense emotional outbursts and difficulty regulating emotions, but the root causes are different.
HSC Emotional Reactivity vs. ADHD Emotional Dysregulation
Highly Sensitive Child (HSC):
- Overwhelmed by too much stimulation, emotions, or change
- Emotions are triggered by deep processing and sensory overload
- May cry, shut down, or retreat when overstimulated
- Struggles more with external emotional triggers (conflict, criticism, sensory overload)
- Once calm, can reflect on what happened and discuss emotions in depth
- Needs a quiet space, time to process, and emotional validation to recover
Child with ADHD:
- Overwhelmed by internal impulsivity and difficulty regulating reactions
- Emotions are triggered by difficulty with impulse control and frustration tolerance
- May react impulsively, lash out, or shift moods quickly
- Struggles more with internal regulation (difficulty pausing before reacting)
- May struggle with emotional recall and learning from past reactions
- Needs structured emotional coaching, reminders, and strategies to pause before reacting
The biggest difference is that HSCs react strongly because they feel deeply and process deeply, whereas children with ADHD struggle more with impulse control and managing their emotional responses in the moment. Both can experience emotional dysregulation, but the approach to helping them differs.
How to Help Highly Sensitive Children Regulate Their Emotions
If your HSC struggles with emotional reactivity, the goal is not to “toughen them up” but to help them develop skills to navigate their emotions more effectively.
1. Reduce Overwhelm Before It Escalates
• Limit excessive sensory input when possible (low lighting, quiet spaces, predictable routines).
• Give them transition warnings before switching activities.
• Avoid rushing them through emotional experiences—allow them time to process.
2. Validate Their Feelings
HSCs feel misunderstood when told, “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, validate their emotions so they feel heard and understood.
• “I see that this feels really big for you right now.”
• “I understand why you’re feeling upset.”
• “I know this is frustrating, and I’m here to help you through it.”
When they feel safe expressing emotions, they are more likely to develop self-regulation skills over time.
3. Teach Emotional Awareness & Coping Strategies
• Help them recognize their specific feelings and give them the language to describe these feelings and the sensations they create in their body.
• Guide them through calming techniques and nervous system regulation strategies like deep breathing, counting backward, saying mantras, positive self-talk, or squeezing a stress ball.
• Encourage self-reflection after an emotional moment: “What do you think might help next time you feel this way?”
4. Give Them Time to Recover
After a meltdown, HSCs may need:
• Time alone to process emotions with the knowledge that you are nearby if they need you.
• A calm activity (drawing, listening to music, quiet play).
• Physical comfort (a hug, sitting in a cozy spot).
Unlike ADHD-related emotional dysregulation, where impulsivity coaching is key along with the use of medications depending on the child's age, HSCs benefit most from gentle emotional processing, time, and reassurance.
Helping Highly Sensitive Children Thrive Emotionally
Highly sensitive children are not “too emotional” or “too sensitive.” They simply experience the world in a more intense way, which can lead to emotional reactivity when overwhelmed. By understanding their deep-processing nature, reducing unnecessary overwhelm, and teaching them emotional regulation skills, parents can help HSCs develop greater self-awareness, confidence, and emotional resilience.
If your child struggles with big emotions, how have you helped them navigate overwhelming moments? Let’s discuss in the comments.
Parenting Alongside You!
Dr. Emma and the Aparently Parenting Team
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