Raising Kids with a Growth Mindset (and Trying to Keep One Yourself!)
Nov 09, 2024
Alright, parents, let’s talk about the infamous “growth mindset.” You’ve probably heard it thrown around at parent-teacher conferences or seen it plastered on motivational posters in the school hallway. But what does it actually mean, and how can you use it to help your kids (and maybe yourself) grow? Let’s dive in with a mix of stories and some advice to help you make growth mindset a part of your family’s everyday life.
What Is a Growth Mindset, Anyway?
The idea of a growth mindset was developed by psychologist Carol Dweck in the early 2000s. Dweck and her research team found that people generally fall into one of two mindsets when it comes to abilities and intelligence: fixed and growth.
• Fixed Mindset: “I’m just not good at math, okay? That’s how it is.”
• Growth Mindset: “I may not be good at math… yet! But I can improve if I keep practicing.”
In a nutshell, a growth mindset means believing that abilities and intelligence can grow with effort, learning, and perseverance. It’s a mindset that helps kids (and adults) see challenges as chances to learn, mistakes as opportunities for growth, and setbacks as just part of the journey.
Why Is Growth Mindset So Powerful?
Kids with a growth mindset tend to have better resilience, better academic performance, and more motivation than kids with a fixed mindset. They’re more likely to take on challenging tasks, stick with them, and learn from mistakes rather than feeling defeated. When kids understand that they can get better at things with effort, it can open up a world of possibilities.
Imagine this: Your child brings home a test she didn’t do well on. With a fixed mindset, she might think, “I’m just not smart enough,” or “I’m terrible at this subject.” But with a growth mindset, she could see it as, “Okay, this didn’t go well, but now I know what I need to work on.”
That shift – from “I’m not good enough” to “I just need to keep trying” – can be a game-changer for kids and adults alike.
How to Model a Growth Mindset for Your Kids (Even on Those Tough Days)
It’s one thing to encourage a growth mindset in your kids, but the tricky part is modeling it yourself. Let’s face it, parents have those “I’m just not cut out for this parenting thing!” moments too! Here are some ways to show a growth mindset in action (yes, even when you’re running on two hours of sleep and yesterday’s coffee).
1. Talk About Your Own Mistakes:
Let your kids see that mistakes are part of learning for everyone. If you burn dinner (again), try saying, “Oops, I guess I need to pay more attention next time! Everyone makes mistakes.” Showing that you don’t beat yourself up over mistakes can help kids learn that it’s okay to mess up.
2. Use “Yet” in Your Language:
If your child says, “I’m just bad at reading,” try adding a “yet.” “You’re not good at reading… yet. But you’re working on it, and you’ll get there!” “Yet” is a small word with a big impact – it keeps the door open for growth.
3. Praise the Effort, Not Just the Result:
When your child shows you their work, focus on the process they went through rather than just the final outcome. “Wow, I can see you really worked hard on this!” or “You put so much thought into this project. I’m proud of you for sticking with it.” This teaches them to value effort and perseverance.
4. Try New Things Together:
Want to model a growth mindset in a fun way? Try new activities together, like learning an instrument, cooking a new recipe, or taking on a DIY project. Show your kids that it’s okay to be “bad” at something at first, as long as you’re willing to keep trying.
Practical Tips to Foster a Growth Mindset in Your Kids
So, how do you actually encourage this mindset in your kids? Here are a few go-to strategies to make it a part of everyday life:
1. Celebrate Small Wins:
Got a kid who’s frustrated with learning to tie their shoes? Celebrate every step they make – “Look how much closer you got!” or “Wow, you really didn’t give up on that, did you?” By focusing on progress, you’re helping them see the journey rather than just the end goal.
2. Turn Setbacks into “What’s Next?” Moments:
Instead of letting your child dwell on a bad grade or a rough day on the sports field, try asking, “What can you do differently next time?” This approach helps them look forward instead of getting stuck in the frustration of the moment.
3. Teach Positive Self-Talk:
Kids are often their own biggest critics. Help them develop positive self-talk. For example, if they say, “I’ll never get this,” help them replace it with something like, “This is tough, but I’m getting better.”
4. Read Books and Watch Stories with Growth Mindset Themes:
There are tons of great books that illustrate growth mindset ideas. Books like The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires and Your Fantastic, Elastic Brain by JoAnn Deak are wonderful for teaching kids about the power of perseverance and resilience.
The Benefits of Raising a Growth Mindset Kid (for Them and for You)
When kids adopt a growth mindset, they tend to be more resilient, confident, and open to challenges. They understand that their abilities can change and grow, which helps them face setbacks with more confidence. Imagine how much easier it is to tackle a tough math problem or a challenging sport if you believe you can get better instead of thinking you’re just “bad” at it.
And here’s the kicker: fostering a growth mindset in your kids can actually help you adopt one, too. Parenting is full of ups and downs, and having a growth mindset yourself makes it easier to keep going on the days when everything goes wrong.
Here’s a real-life example:
Imagine you’ve spent an hour teaching your child to ride a bike. They’re frustrated, you’re frustrated, and they keep falling. But if you both remember that learning something hard takes time, you’ll both be more likely to keep at it. Before you know it, they’re pedaling on their own, and you’re cheering like they’ve just won the Tour de France. Growth mindset helps you enjoy the journey and celebrate the effort, not just the outcome.
Final Thoughts
A growth mindset isn’t a magic solution, but it is a powerful tool that can make challenges feel manageable and mistakes feel meaningful. By modeling it yourself, praising effort, and reminding your kids that they can get better with time and practice, you’re setting them up for a life of resilience, curiosity, and self-confidence.
So next time your kid says, “I can’t do this,” remind them, “You can’t do this… yet.” And while you’re at it, remember that goes for you too – none of us are perfect parents yet, but we’re all learning as we go!
Parenting Alongside You!
Dr. Emma and the Aparently Parenting Team
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