Redefining the Magic of the Holidays with a Low Demand Approach
Nov 21, 2024
The holiday season—spanning Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s, and other celebrations—is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for many families, especially those navigating the needs of neurodiverse children or sensory-sensitive individuals, it can also feel like the most overwhelming time. Between planning elaborate meals, attending countless events, and managing heightened expectations, the pressure can overshadow the joy.
In this post, we’ll explore two approaches to the holiday season: the high-demand, perfection-focused approach versus a low-demand, connection-focused approach. We’ll also share practical, positive parenting strategies to help you create a season filled with more laughter, love, and less stress—for everyone.
The High-Demand Holiday Season
A high-demand holiday season often comes with an unspoken checklist:
• Hosting Pinterest-perfect gatherings.
• Attending every holiday event, recital, and party.
• Buying extravagant gifts for everyone on your list.
• Decorating every corner of your home with magazine-worthy precision.
While these traditions can be meaningful, they often require a level of time, energy, and resources that can leave families feeling drained. For children—especially those with ADHD, sensory sensitivities, or other neurodiverse needs—the overstimulation of packed schedules, crowded events, and rigid expectations can be overwhelming.
Parents often feel the pressure to create “magic” at all costs, inadvertently prioritizing tasks over connection. The result? Burnout, meltdowns, and a holiday season that feels more like a marathon than a celebration.
The Low-Demand Holiday Season
In contrast, a low-demand holiday season shifts the focus from perfection to presence. Here, the emphasis is on creating moments of connection, joy, and rest for the whole family.
Key Features of a Low-Demand Holiday Season
1. Simplified Celebrations:
Instead of a seven-course Thanksgiving meal, consider a potluck or a family-style meal with a focus on one or two standout dishes.
2. Selective Participation:
Choose the events and traditions that align with your family’s energy levels and values, and graciously decline the rest.
3. Flexible Schedules:
Build downtime into your calendar for unstructured play, naps, or simply relaxing at home.
4. Sensory-Friendly Adjustments:
For families with sensory-sensitive kids, create a quiet space during gatherings, or opt for smaller, more intimate celebrations.
Practical Tips for Stress-Free Holidays
1. Redefine “Magic”
Holiday magic isn’t about the perfect tree or an overflowing gift pile; it’s about the moments that make you laugh, connect, and feel present. As Dr. Seuss reminds us:
“It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags!”
The Grinch learned that the true essence of the holidays is about being together—and the same applies to our families.
2. Collaborate on Traditions
Ask your children what traditions they love most and let go of the rest. A simpler list ensures more time for what truly matters. For example, if decorating cookies and watching holiday movies top their list, focus there and skip the holiday card frenzy.
3. Prioritize Connection
• For Neurodiverse Families: Embrace routines that keep your child regulated, such as bringing familiar snacks to gatherings or scheduling quiet breaks.
• For All Families: Focus on connecting through shared activities, like baking, crafting, or simply taking a walk to see the lights.
4. Say Yes to Help
Lean on your village. If someone offers to host, contribute a dish instead of feeling obligated to reciprocate. If gift wrapping overwhelms you, delegate it to an older child or even consider skipping it altogether.
5. Model Flexibility
Children pick up on their parents’ energy. By modeling adaptability and calm in the face of holiday hiccups, you teach them to embrace imperfection as part of the fun.
Holidays and Neurodiversity
Families with neurodiverse children may find the high-demand holiday approach particularly challenging. Here are a few low-demand strategies tailored to these families:
• Pre-Prepare for Events: Use social stories or visuals to explain what to expect at gatherings.
• Set Clear Expectations: Let relatives know about your child’s needs in advance (e.g., “They may need a quiet break if things get overwhelming”).
• Celebrate at Your Pace: If evening events disrupt routines, consider hosting breakfast or brunch celebrations instead.
Focus on What Truly Matters
As you plan your holidays, keep this question in mind: What will your family remember five years from now? Likely, it won’t be the perfect tablescape or the sheer number of gifts. Instead, it will be the laughter shared over a silly game, the coziness of reading together by the fire, or the joy of creating something together.
To quote Maya Angelou:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Final Thoughts
This holiday season, give yourself permission to let go of the high-demand checklist. By embracing a low-demand approach, you’ll create space for connection, joy, and the simple magic of being together.
Remember: A holiday doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful—it just has to be yours.
What are some low-demand traditions your family loves? Share them in the comments below—we’d love to hear from you!
Parenting Alongside You!
Dr. Emma and the Aparently Parenting Team
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