Why Is My Highly Sensitive Child So Emotional? A Parent’s Guide to Big Feelings
Jan 29, 2025
If you’re raising a highly sensitive child (HSC), you might feel like every day is a whirlwind of emotions. Why do small things seem to set off such big reactions? Why can’t your child let go of things that other kids brush off? Understanding the unique nervous system of an HSC can give you the insight to help them navigate their big feelings.
1. What Makes a Highly Sensitive Child So… Sensitive?
Highly sensitive children are deeply impacted by what’s happening both around them and inside them. According to Dr. Elaine Aron, psychologist and author of The Highly Sensitive Child, highly sensitive kids process stimuli more deeply, and as a result, feel emotions and sensory inputs at a much more intense level than other children. Their brains have a higher level of responsiveness to stimuli, so they’re not only more affected by sounds, lights, and textures but also by subtle shifts in emotions around them.
They also experience depth of processing, which means they’re constantly observing, thinking, and feeling at deeper levels. So when a teacher looks at them a certain way or a sibling accidentally bumps them, they’re not just noticing—they’re feeling everything intensely. This leads to what we often see as “big feelings” over “small things,” but for your HSC, those small things feel enormous.
2. Why Direct Approaches Like “Naming Emotions” May Backfire
In positive parenting, we often suggest naming emotions to help kids process what they’re feeling: “I can see you’re angry.” While this approach works well with many kids, for an HSC, it may actually increase dysregulation. Highly sensitive children can become overwhelmed by any direct spotlight on their emotional state, which can feel like an intrusion rather than a comfort. Instead of feeling acknowledged, they may feel even more exposed, leading to stronger reactions or retreating inward.
As Dr. Mona Delahooke, author of Beyond Behaviors, suggests, for highly sensitive children, “Sometimes what they need is a pause and a gentle presence rather than an immediate naming of what they’re going through.” Giving them time and space allows them to process what they’re feeling without feeling pressured to understand or articulate it right away.
3. Practical Tips for Helping Your Highly Sensitive Child with Big Emotions
Raising an HSC requires an approach that focuses on providing a calm, supportive space where they can feel safe to navigate their emotions. Here are some strategies that may help:
1. Create a “Safe Space” for Big Feelings
Set up a cozy, calming corner with soft pillows, a blanket, maybe a few favorite toys. When your child seems overwhelmed, gently suggest they take a break in their safe space, which gives them room to process without feeling judged or pressured. Having this physical “safe zone” can be incredibly reassuring.
2. Use Indirect Validation
If naming emotions directly is too much, try indirect validation. Rather than saying, “I see you’re angry,” try something more open-ended, like “I can see something is bothering you. I’m here.” This softer approach lets your child know you’re available without putting their feelings under a microscope.
3. Keep Routines Predictable
Highly sensitive children thrive with routines. Knowing what to expect helps them feel secure and reduces overwhelm from unpredictable changes. When changes are unavoidable, give them a heads-up with as much notice as possible.
4. Offer Physical Soothers
Sensory toys, weighted blankets, or a gentle back rub can work wonders for a highly sensitive child. Physical comfort often helps them re-center and soothe themselves, especially if they’re overwhelmed by sensory or emotional inputs.
5. Model Calm Reactions
Your child will mirror the way you handle stressful moments. By taking a deep breath and staying calm—even if you’re feeling anything but calm—you’re showing them how to manage big emotions. You can even narrate: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m taking a deep breath to help me think.”
6. Practice “Emotion Decoding” Later
Instead of talking about emotions in the heat of the moment, wait until they’re calm and try discussing it later. Saying something like, “I noticed you got really upset earlier when your tower fell down. That must have been frustrating,” allows them to reflect on their emotions when they’re not overwhelmed.
Takeaway Reminders
• Pace, Don’t Push: HSCs need space to process. Gentle pacing lets them feel in control.
• Celebrate Their Sensitivity: Remind them that their sensitivity is a strength—they notice things that others miss, and that’s a gift.
• Know When to Step Back: Sometimes, your HSC just needs a quiet moment, and stepping back (without withdrawing your support) is the best thing you can do.
Resources for Further Reading (click on item to purchase)
• The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron
• Beyond Behaviors by Dr. Mona Delahooke
• The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (for understanding how children’s brains process emotions)
Supporting a highly sensitive child’s emotional world can be an adventure, and with gentle guidance and understanding, you’re helping them learn to navigate it in ways that will build resilience and self-acceptance.
Parenting Alongside You!
From Dr. Emma Hostetter and the Aparently Parenting Team
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